When Conflict isn’t Personal
Photo by Vitaly Gariev on Unsplash
Workplace conflict is often seen through an emotional lens—personality clashes, miscommunication, or misaligned values. But sometimes, what looks like a personal conflict is really the result of unclear roles, responsibilities, and decision-making authority. When people are left to interpret their boundaries for themselves, friction is almost inevitable.
A recent mediation I conducted illustrates this clearly. It involved two capable and committed professionals. Mollie was tasked with overseeing internal coordination across projects. Ed was a subject matter expert whose input was often required to move work forward. Mollie had asked Ed to complete some tasks, but Ed didn’t action these requests. He felt overwhelmed, believed she was directing him without authority, and prioritised more urgent technical issues. She, in turn, felt ignored, frustrated, and unclear about how to get changes made—especially when small updates were repeatedly delayed or dismissed.
Tensions escalated. Eventually, what might have been a simple workflow issue became a breakdown in communication and trust. Both parties felt disrespected, and team dynamics suffered.
The real issue: No shared understanding of roles or authority
As the mediation unfolded, it became clear that neither party knew who had authority to make decisions about changes. Mollie was responsible for overseeing internal coordination and directing changes. Ed, who was focused on other strategic technical tasks, saw her requests as low priority and optional.
There were no agreed procedures, no documented expectations, and no clarity about who got the final say. Each person operated from their own assumptions, which created misaligned expectations and escalating frustration.
When people don’t know what’s expected, they fill in the gaps.
This is not unusual. In many workplaces, conflict isn’t about poor intent—it’s systemic in nature, brought about by a lack of clarity in roles and processes. People want to do the right thing, but they don’t know what “the right thing” looks like in their context.
Recommendations for moving forward
Resolving workplace conflict is rarely about just patching things up—it’s about addressing the underlying causes. In the case of Ed and Mollie, it required rebuilding their relationship and improving the system they were in—clarifying their roles and ways of working together, with support from their managers.
Here are four steps any leader can take to reduce the likelihood of role-based conflict:
1. Clarify and update position descriptions
Clear, current job descriptions help everyone understand their own responsibilities and where others’ authority begins.
2. Define shared processes for collaboration
There should be a shared understanding of:
· How to request changes
· How priorities are determined
· Who has authority to make decisions
Documented processes reduce ambiguity and remove the burden of interpretation.
3. Provide consistent leadership direction
· Confirm who has decision-making authority
· Set expectations for how teams will work together
· Encourage team members to resolve conflict themselves before intervening
4. Use mediation to reset working relationships
Bring in a mediator if assistance is needed or if a neutral presence would support the process. A structured, facilitated conversation helps individuals express concerns, acknowledge impacts, and reset the working relationship. It creates space for mutual understanding and agreement on how to move forward.
The bottom line: clarity provides harmony
When people know what’s expected, who decides what, and how to get things done, they’re far more likely to work effectively—and harmoniously. Conflict doesn’t disappear, but it becomes more manageable and less personal.
If your team is experiencing persistent tension, don’t just look at who’s clashing. Ask what’s missing in the system that might be fuelling the friction.
By Jill Murphy, Director, Open Road Consulting